Freeman's Mind 2： Episode 5-kYd86-fTh8o.en.srt

#100:00:03,333→00:00:07,400

[Subtitles by danielsangeo]

#200:00:09,767→00:00:13,533

Well, I'll say this. This is going to change science-fiction forever.

#300:00:13,533→00:00:17,200

There's not going to be any more "E.T." or "My Favorite Martian".

#400:00:17,200→00:00:21,567

People won't understand. E.T. won't be phoning home.

#500:00:21,567→00:00:23,200

He'll be waiting for you in a dark tunnel

#600:00:23,200→00:00:26,867

ready to strangle you while he literally eats you alive.

#700:00:26,867→00:00:29,467

If you're lucky, he'll snap your neck first.

#800:00:29,467→00:00:32,000

People of the future will understand THAT.

#900:00:32,000→00:00:34,067

[humming E.T. theme song]

#1000:00:34,067→00:00:38,067

Okay, so what am I doing? I guess shimmy along this wall,

#1100:00:38,067→00:00:41,167

though I don't much--WHAAAWHOA! WHOA-OO JAH!

#1200:00:41,167→00:00:43,600

Jesus CHRIST, that is slick!

#1300:00:44,667→00:00:49,967

Slip 'N Slide, slip and die, everybody slippin', havin' a good time...

#1400:00:49,967→00:00:53,333

Now THERE'S a thought. Yeah, that's a GOOD thought,

#1500:00:53,333→00:00:57,433

as long as I'm not standing on oil that'll burn me alive if I ignite it.

#1600:00:58,167→00:01:00,433

[straining] Oh yeah, it's got some in there.

#1700:01:00,433→00:01:02,133

[straining] Okay, let's do this.

#1800:01:03,233→00:01:05,533

Oh, there it goes. Okay.

#1900:01:05,533→00:01:06,900

Oh, nice!

#2000:01:06,900→00:01:07,933

Dah!

#2100:01:07,933→00:01:08,433

Gyah!

#2200:01:08,433→00:01:09,500

DAH!

#2300:01:09,500→00:01:13,667

OHHHH! Yeah, that's a tough pill to swallow, huh?!

#2400:01:13,667→00:01:18,033

Kill everything with barrels. This is "Donkey Kong" warfare.

#2500:01:18,033→00:01:21,067

Okay, slippin' time.

#2600:01:21,067→00:01:22,267

Yeah...!

#2700:01:23,400→00:01:27,067

Oh wow, that's a strong smell.

#2800:01:27,067→00:01:28,967

Bleh...

#2900:01:28,967→00:01:34,367

Oh my god! Is the Earth even worth saving? Are we too late?

#3000:01:34,367→00:01:36,200

I mean, look at this!

#3100:01:36,200→00:01:38,667

What... HEY, THAT ONE'S TONGUE IS DOWN!

#3200:01:40,167→00:01:42,700

I don't even understand how these things got here.

#3300:01:42,700→00:01:46,300

I thought they grew into the ceiling but these are on open mesh.

#3400:01:46,300→00:01:47,467

Dammit, that's another one.

#3500:01:50,300→00:01:52,367

Fuck...

#3600:01:52,367→00:01:54,367

So does that mean these things are mobile?

#3700:01:54,367→00:01:55,100

Ah! Shit...!

#3800:01:56,967→00:02:00,967

Well, I haven't seen them move, but...

#3900:02:00,967→00:02:05,233

I don't really want to think about that. I don't want to be here, really.

#4000:02:05,233→00:02:07,567

Oh! What the hell?

#4100:02:08,433→00:02:10,600

They must've heard my gunshots.

#4200:02:10,600→00:02:12,533

Still, they didn't even see me.

#4300:02:12,533→00:02:16,767

They're just throwing it out there, just in case? I don't see anyone.

#4400:02:16,767→00:02:19,733

I mean, what are the odds of me being exactly there?

#4500:02:19,733→00:02:21,567

Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way;

#4600:02:21,567→00:02:23,500

it's just some guy sitting around saying,

#4700:02:23,500→00:02:26,433

"Oh, there's a fuel barrel. Better blow it up."

#4800:02:26,433→00:02:28,533

I still don't understand everything here.

#4900:02:31,033→00:02:32,733

I guess--OH!

#5000:02:32,733→00:02:33,733

[explosion]

#5100:02:33,733→00:02:35,833

Do they know I'm here or are they just...

#5200:02:37,700→00:02:40,167

tossing these every thirty seconds?

#5300:02:40,167→00:02:41,567

Fuck YOU!

#5400:02:41,567→00:02:44,900

Shit. I guess Donkey Kong's really not that far off.

#5500:02:44,900→00:02:46,000

[explosions]

#5600:02:46,000→00:02:48,767

Man, it's hard to shoot when I'm swimming.

#5700:02:48,767→00:02:50,533

I keep wanting to paddle with this hand

#5800:02:50,533→00:02:54,233

but I know my muscle memory will betray me and I'll shoot myself in the knee.

#5900:02:54,233→00:02:58,167

Or the head, why not? It just depends on what stroke I'm doing.

#6000:02:58,167→00:03:02,867

Okay! Suppressing fire! That's today's show's secret phrase!

#6100:03:02,867→00:03:04,567

OH NO! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT--

#6200:03:04,567→00:03:06,367

[underwater panicking]

#6300:03:06,367→00:03:07,467

[muffled explosions]

#6400:03:09,433→00:03:10,233

Barrels...

#6500:03:11,467→00:03:13,867

I fell right into it! Right into it!

#6600:03:13,867→00:03:15,967

C'mon! Run...RUN!

#6700:03:15,967→00:03:18,267

I CAN'T AIM LIKE THIS! BACK OFF!

#6800:03:18,833→00:03:20,367

Oh, you're fucked now.

#6900:03:21,400→00:03:22,600

See ya!

#7000:03:23,867→00:03:25,800

Catch ya later!

#7100:03:25,800→00:03:28,067

Okay, is that all of them?

#7200:03:28,067→00:03:29,500

Nope, nope! No...

#7300:03:32,100→00:03:34,300

Damn, that guy's far off.

#7400:03:34,300→00:03:37,433

God, this is such a fish-in-a-barrel layout...

#7500:03:37,433→00:03:37,933

[gunshots]

#7600:03:37,933→00:03:42,433

Where'd that come from?! Was that an echo?

#7700:03:42,433→00:03:45,000

[gunshots] Nope, there he is. Jesus...

#7800:03:45,000→00:03:46,700

[inhale]

#7900:03:51,100→00:03:53,500

[exhale]

#8000:03:53,500→00:03:57,700

Yeah, accuracy doesn't matter so much as hitting the person once.

#8100:03:59,800→00:04:02,467

I mean, if you miss somebody ten times but hit them once,

#8200:04:02,467→00:04:05,333

who's going to say you did a bad job? Them?

#8300:04:05,333→00:04:08,200

Another barrel. Why take a chance?

#8400:04:11,000→00:04:11,667

What?

#8500:04:12,767→00:04:14,500

What's going on?

#8600:04:14,500→00:04:18,533

Was he already dead and just lying there, or...?

#8700:04:18,533→00:04:21,933

Was he trying to ride the barrel off into space?

#8800:04:21,933→00:04:24,400

Everything's so counterintuitive .

#8900:04:26,100→00:04:30,367

My whole career I've always tried to figure out what's happening.

#9000:04:30,367→00:04:32,467

That's why I was so good at my job.

#9100:04:32,467→00:04:36,167

Well actually, there's a lot of reasons I'm so good, but that's part of it.

#9200:04:36,167→00:04:40,600

But these past few days I ask questions and the answers don't make sense at all.

#9300:04:40,600→00:04:43,767

Yeah, like him, just sunbathing here with his clothes on.

#9400:04:43,767→00:04:46,367

An inquisitive mind is no good here.

#9500:04:46,367→00:04:51,067

Now the more I learn, the more the answers are either stupid or crazy.

#9600:04:51,067→00:04:53,500

I'm not an elder god at all, am I?

#9700:04:53,500→00:04:56,400

I didn't get any of his powers. This sucks.

#9800:04:58,700→00:05:00,300

I mean, what am I doing here?

#9900:05:00,300→00:05:02,933

That Barney guy sent me this way, right?

#10000:05:02,933→00:05:04,567

Is he trying to kill me?

#10100:05:04,567→00:05:07,167

"Yeah, Gordon. Take the canals, right?

#10200:05:07,167→00:05:11,000

"Then the police can shoot at you from above while you're trying to swim,

#10300:05:11,000→00:05:14,833

"and can completely surround you without getting caught in the crossfire."

#10400:05:16,067→00:05:17,833

[growls]

#10500:05:17,833→00:05:19,767

See, that's his brilliance.

#10600:05:19,767→00:05:25,300

Even now, I don't know if he is just that dumb or if I fell right into his trap.

#10700:05:27,933→00:05:31,667

Incompetence can be really hard to distinguish from malice.

#10800:05:34,200→00:05:37,400

Okay...? No.

#10900:05:37,400→00:05:42,900

I dealt with this incompetence-or-malice dilemma all the time back at Black Mesa,

#11000:05:42,900→00:05:46,467

but I feel like the stakes have risen since then.

#11100:05:46,467→00:05:49,033

It's not about sabotaging my project anymore,

#11200:05:49,033→00:05:51,433

[chopper sound] it's about murdering my--shit.

#11300:05:51,433→00:05:54,033

Yeah see, I get tired of hearing explanations

#11400:05:54,033→00:05:58,033

of whether people trying to kill me is an accident or not.

#11500:05:58,033→00:06:03,433

I'm thinking I should take him out next time I see him just to be safe.

#11600:06:03,433→00:06:06,533

But... No, I can't do that.

#11700:06:06,533→00:06:08,900

Kleiner would never forgive me for killing his assistant

#11800:06:08,900→00:06:11,433

without providing an adequate replacement.

#11900:06:11,433→00:06:14,167

I guess I'll just have to keep my eyes open.

#12000:06:14,167→00:06:17,533

So where's the--WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! Ugh.

#12100:06:17,533→00:06:18,567

Too much oil...

#12200:06:18,567→00:06:20,867

Oh, that's great. Yeah, take a photo, huh?

#12300:06:20,867→00:06:23,867

[machine gun fire] Oh my god. Shooting! Don't you understand?!

#12400:06:23,867→00:06:27,500

BLAH! YOU DID IT AGAIN!

#12500:06:27,500→00:06:28,133

NO!

#12600:06:28,133→00:06:31,067

[machine gun fire, clanging] [screaming]

#12700:06:31,067→00:06:33,233

Stop, stop, STOP IT, STOP!

#12800:06:33,233→00:06:36,733

JUST BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SHOT BEFORE DOESN'T MEAN I'M ANY BETTER AT IT NOW!

#12900:06:36,733→00:06:38,633

[machine gun fire, clanging] [screaming]

#13000:06:38,633→00:06:41,800

Fuck this... fuck this...! I don't have any cover!

#13100:06:41,800→00:06:43,300

Uh, think quick!

#13200:06:43,300→00:06:45,100

[machine gun fire] OH OHH!

#13300:06:46,067→00:06:51,067

Fuck Barney! This is the worst route! THIS IS THE WORST ROUTE I COULD'VE TAKEN!

#13400:06:51,067→00:06:51,833

WHOA!

#13500:06:52,967→00:06:54,900

Yeah, I needed more problems!

#13600:06:54,900→00:06:56,167

Oh god, GOD!

#13700:06:56,167→00:06:56,800

A DOOR!

#13800:06:56,800→00:06:58,100

FUCKING MOVE!

#13900:06:58,100→00:07:00,700

[machine gun fire, clanging] [crying]

#14000:07:00,700→00:07:02,300

Don't be locked, Christ!

#14100:07:02,300→00:07:04,067

Finally! Got one!

#14200:07:04,067→00:07:06,467

Oh! Ohhhhh...

#14300:07:06,467→00:07:09,033

YEAH, COME FLY IN THE DOORWAY, ASSHOLE!

#14400:07:09,033→00:07:12,233

Ohhh...

#14500:07:12,233→00:07:14,733

Yeah, underground's good.

#14600:07:14,733→00:07:16,167

What is...?

#14700:07:16,167→00:07:17,233

Fuck you.

#14800:07:17,233→00:07:19,600

You're dead. I'm not listening to you.

#14900:07:19,600→00:07:21,433

I'm robbing you.

#15000:07:21,433→00:07:24,233

Yeah, I guess I need more of these, huh?

#15100:07:24,233→00:07:27,000

Well, as shitty damp dead-ends go,

#15200:07:27,000→00:07:30,600

I'm more appreciative of this one than I have been in a while.

#15300:07:32,233→00:07:34,733

Y'know, the last time I tried to live underground forever,

#15400:07:34,733→00:07:38,933

it didn't work out because I got hungry, but maybe this time's different.

#15500:07:38,933→00:07:41,900

Actually I don't remember what happened. It was nothing good.

#15600:07:41,900→00:07:46,733

Yeah, you know all about "nothing good", huh? Fuck! He was torched.

#15700:07:46,733→00:07:48,133

What's here?

#15800:07:48,133→00:07:50,733

Oh, that's nice. Looks like a body back there.

#15900:07:50,733→00:07:52,800

Yeah, that's just what I'm looking for.

#16000:07:52,800→00:07:54,467

Wait, no. I'm not.

#16100:07:54,467→00:07:56,633

This water's contaminated.

#16200:07:56,633→00:07:59,833

Do the Tripods not need water or something?

#16300:07:59,833→00:08:01,367

Are they robots?

#16400:08:01,367→00:08:04,200

That would be a curve ball, wouldn't it?

#16500:08:04,200→00:08:05,800

I suppose I could--WHUP!

#16600:08:05,800→00:08:10,733

[choking]

#16700:08:10,733→00:08:14,567

[wheezing]

#16800:08:14,567→00:08:17,733

[coughing]

#16900:08:17,733→00:08:22,167

[vomiting]

#17000:08:22,167→00:08:23,500

Fuck that...

#17100:08:23,500→00:08:25,733

[groaning]

#17200:08:25,733→00:08:26,967

I have to kill it...

#17300:08:26,967→00:08:28,600

...kill it before it's too late...

#17400:08:29,800→00:08:30,667

...kill...

#17500:08:31,167→00:08:32,333

...keep killing...

#17600:08:33,967→00:08:35,700

Oh my god...

#17700:08:35,700→00:08:38,267

Okay, I have to go easy...

#17800:08:38,267→00:08:39,733

Easy...

#17900:08:39,733→00:08:42,033

Easy fucking does it!

#18000:08:42,033→00:08:43,600

EASY!

#18100:08:44,767→00:08:46,700

Well that's not happening again.

#18200:08:46,700→00:08:48,367

[machine gun fire] What the hell?!

#18300:08:48,367→00:08:50,900

Oh, he probably saw my flashlight.

#18400:08:50,900→00:08:53,733

I'm surprised. It's broad daylight.

#18500:08:53,733→00:08:55,533

[machine gun fire] Yeah, just keep shooting that spot.

#18600:08:55,533→00:08:57,533

That's good. That's good.

#18700:08:57,533→00:09:04,233

Oh, that was traumatic! Even amongst the blur of trauma my life has become.

#18800:09:04,233→00:09:08,267

Honest to--OH HO HO HO HO! No, no.

#18900:09:08,267→00:09:11,533

Fool me once, you almost fucking kill me.

#19000:09:11,533→00:09:14,000

[straining] Fool me twice, no.

#19100:09:14,000→00:09:15,700

[straining] Okay, come on.

#19200:09:15,700→00:09:19,633

You will be my emissary. I trust you to communicate on my behalf.

#19300:09:20,333→00:09:24,733

Damn, a little LOUD, but that's what I would've said, too.

#19400:09:24,733→00:09:26,700

Christ, they're eating the scraps.

#19500:09:26,700→00:09:30,400

Here, have everything, you fucking hell-goats.

#19600:09:30,400→00:09:33,067

If I wasn't bitter, this could be entertaining.

#19700:09:33,067→00:09:33,900

Ugh.

#19800:09:33,900→00:09:37,967

Okay, I'm going to slide down here and shoot up like a bad ass.

#19900:09:37,967→00:09:39,000

Uhh...

#20000:09:40,300→00:09:42,767

Damn, I guess this ramp's not as slick.

#20100:09:42,767→00:09:46,033

Okay, I'm getting out of here before I get choked twice.

#20200:09:46,033→00:09:48,200

Not again, NOT AGAIN!

#20300:09:48,200→00:09:52,800

I am legit traumatized. I don't even want to eat spaghetti anymore.

#20400:09:52,800→00:09:54,500

[machine gun fire]

#20500:09:54,500→00:09:57,467

Okay, it sounds like he's still aiming at that one spot,

#20600:09:57,467→00:09:58,333

so--Nope.

#20700:10:00,533→00:10:03,000

[machine gun fire]

#20800:10:03,000→00:10:05,167

Y'know, I'm really not happy with how many times

#20900:10:05,167→00:10:07,933

I'm finding myself saying, "It could be worse."

#21000:10:10,567→00:10:13,133

I mean, yeah, I could be dead. That's worse.

#21100:10:13,133→00:10:17,133

That's a nice low bar for us to judge things by. Fuck.